From Drunk with Love

Nope, it's happening.

Fri, 14 Sep 2012 02:31:29 -0400

I am drunk, so this needs to be talked about.

Life is awful right now. Well, maybe not awful, but it could be a lot better.

I was supposed to come into this year, being all “I’m taking art classes, I have a boyfriend, and I’m living with some of my closest friends.” I’ve already addressed one of these issues, and it’s not the worst. It sucks, but I can deal.

Living with this giant ass hole I live with right now is the worst, and I can’t deal. He is the worst mother fucker I have ever met. He’s condescending, he’s homophobic, he narcissistic. And he’s stealing some of my closest friends. I luckily have other people who see my point of view, but its sort of late to contact them now.

My one roommate who seems to be enamored with him thinks we’re similar. I see what she’s trying to get at, but she’s wrong. She thinks we’re both narcissistic, she’s wrong. He legitimately thinks he’s hot shit because he occasionally fucks bitches (who probably have no self esteem). Me? I want attention because I’m terrified. I’m afraid the world won’t see my worth so I crave validation. I’m like the girls he fucks.

Yes, before you accuse me of being jealous, let me admit to it first. He gets all the positive attention and I’m thrown off to the side being seen as a whiny bitch. And I fucking hate it. It’s not fair. He has no redeeming qualities. He does nothing that benefits himself. He thinks constantly pointing things out you’re doing wrong is helping you, but it’s really just showing “why he’s better than you.”

HATE. HATE HATE. THAT’S ALL MY LIFE IS NOW.

AND I HATE IT.

FUCK.

long time so cliche

Sun, 09 Sep 2012 01:08:45 -0400

HELLO DRUNK BLOG.

THIS HAS BEEN A LONG TIME BECAUSE OF REASONS.

LIKE I GOT BORED.

BUT FANTASTIC NEWS. I AM 21 NOW SO THAT HAPPENED.

I got really drunk at a bar and I don’t remember a lot about but I’m not just going to recap things I want to talk about feelings. feelings are always more interesting right?! yes.

So I had been seeing a guy and then he dumped me after like, a week of actually being together because he felt “we rushed things” and that he wasn’t feeling “emotionally invested.” so he’s a cunt.

Now I’m sad and I just want a boyfriend. I wasn’t broken hearted that this guy in particular dumped me, I was just sad that my chance at being in a relationship again was crushed. And now I just want someone to love again because I am lonely. Blaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh.

Did I already do the “I hate my roommate rant?” Because I don’t want to do that right now. But I need to just start dating again because its’ really hard. I need to start going to the gym regularly again so I can be attractive.

Uhh this blog is really sad, so tl:dr; I’m lonely.

lolololol HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

BOOBS.

Sun, 12 Aug 2012 01:11:50 -0400

Hello tumblrverse.

I am. Drunk.

andddd on FLOORRR. I dunno why caps happend but it did but I have a few things to talk bout tonight.

The first part is social justicey. Now, I’m not a big fan of a lot of social justice unless it concerns me because I’m human and humans are selfish, and frankly, I do think a lot of social justice involves reading into things to far. But some of it is cool because their is definitely not enough equality in the world and some people are ass holes ( I’m an ass hole too but that’s another level of assholery EVERYTHING IS FLUID)

Ok so this is queer social justice and it’s pretty white bread basic. Like, fuck you. I don’t care how often some gay guy hits on you, it’s NOT ok to call him a “fag.” And frankly, I use the word a lot. I know I shouldn’t. It’s not even “taking it back” when I use it. But when you try to justify that there is a difference between a “gay” and a “fag,” you’re a douchebag. Look, I get it. Sometimes people are REALLY flamboyant, and that CAN be a little obnoxious, but that’s just who they are! Shut the fuck up and let them be. And really, I get that you may have tried to explain to them that you’re “straight” and “arent interested,” but its not helping you’re case when you’re socially inept enough to not understand when people want you to stop talking. Also ripping your shirt off in front of them probably isn’t helping. (I’m only assuming you do this because you say this is a frequent occurance in your drinking.)

Also, stop it. Just because a guy is flamboyant doesn’t make him less of a man. It just makes him a different kind of man. Get your dick out of your hand, and l2 gender spectrum, asshole.

Social Justice is a very weird topic for me. There are definitely points that I can get behind. Like today, when I witnessed 2 cops pull over this tiny old black woman, I was like “You don’t need 2 cops for this. She was barely speeding. This seems racist.” or when assholes mentioned above start making really tactless really ass-holey rape jokes. But then sometimes it seems like it goes too far and goes against itself, when it starts talking about white men. I get that so many white men are douchebags (example: dan cathy). But it makes me sad when people think all white people are like that. But I do get that we sometimes make offensive comments without realizing it because it’s what the media has ingrained us to think was true, and that should be fixed! But it’s really stupid when I see things that are like “Oh hay, white people aren’t allowed to have dreadlocks! They don’t get it and that’s for black people only!” or “Black women shouldn’t straighten their hair that’s whitewashing!” Why aren’t we allowed to blend cultures? Wouldn’t that be a good thing? I mean, we should totally remember where things originated and why, but I think we should definitely share. It’s sort of discriminatory/supremist to say that someone can’t wear their hair in a certain way.

I do know that “can’t we all just get along and make one big happy super-culture where everyone loves each other?” is a huge white ideal, probably because everything would turn out “white” as people view it. But would it be ok if we could find a balance between the two? And I only use “two” because it seems EVERYONE forgets about the Asian counties. Though, granted, a lot of Japanese/Chinese culture shows up in America, I feel. Or maybe that’s just my friends.

I digress, though. I would like us all to get along. I don’t like it when people are screaming at each other (read as: me for being white (cue: oh boo hoo you’re white so sorry for yelling)). I just really don’t think it’s a good way to help the cause. I’m really a fan of “Oh, hey, that’s offensive. I’m not going to get mad at you, but please, let me inform you on why that was offensive and don’t do it again.”

But, I guess I know what I say doesn’t matter, because I’m a white male and I have white and male privileged that I need to check if my opinions don’t match yours. #maybealittlebitter

I do keep my social justice blogs around, to keep me educated and maybe someday I’ll get it. It’s just not clicking yet. But I guess I’m somewhat more informed that cissexual white males? (I know terminology! That’s good, right?)

But other than that one blurb where I yelled at people for being homophobic, tonight has been sort of fun. My roommate has a hot new boyfriend and I’m jealous of her because he’s pretty fucking fine. But he’s straight, oh well. I do sort of have my own guy going on in my life, and that’s nice. I haven’t met him yet, I met him on OKCupid. But he goes to a school right down the road, so I should meet him soon when he gets back. <: I’m excited, he’s nice, and cute.

There’s a girl I’m supposed to keep awake on my bed. -oh, wait, she’s had to throw up. I took her to the bathroom. It feels nice to take care of people, like you’re doing something good. But I’m going to close this up for now because of that.

Love,
Drunk Matty

Hi tumblr

Thu, 09 Aug 2012 00:06:14 -0400

Helllooo tumblr

I think these letters are going to begin to addressed to the general public instead of myself. Because. It sounds stupid now.

So I moved this weekend to my apartment for the school year. So I didn’t get to drink too much last weekend, and when I did I passed out and told my friend through another friend that she needed to open our apartment door with earthbending. At least I got the right type of bending?

Shit, I should really be more drunk for this. My asshole roommate decided to buy 40 proof flavored rum because “hur hur hur this sounds good.” Yeah, good if you’re a BITCH.

Why is the only one qualified to buy alcohol still 20?

Did I say that? No, shh. Stop it.

Butts. Butts butts butts. I don’t have anything else to say. I mean, actually I do. But it’s not something I should really publicly post until I’ve had like, a few shots/cups of gin.

BYE.

Taste No Evil I love tequila. But it tastes awful. I took a risk...

Fri, 03 Aug 2012 20:36:16 -0400

Taste No Evil

I love tequila. But it tastes awful. I took a risk on this drink, and it turned out surprisingly well!

Ingredients:
-1 part Tequila
-1 part Orange Juice
-1 part Banana Juice/Syrup
-1tsp Cinnamon

I can’t taste the tequila. Its delicious.

Derek

Sun, 29 Jul 2012 02:27:03 -0400

Hello, Derek.

I am writing to you derek because we want you to join our circle of friends. Our group could really use a derek to provide us with endless entertainment of the dereky variety. We’ve been looking for you on craigslist, but so far, you have not answered our calls. please come and join us, Derek. You would be a wonderful addition.

Here are some reasons that you, Derek, should join us:

We have nerf guns.
we like to deep fry things. Such as, Corn Dogs. And Oreos. And Bananas. And Jolly Ranchers, but those just melt into the oil and make everything else taste slightly like Jolly Ranchers.
We can make really good mixed drinks.
We get antbros and spider bros drunk. Bugs like booze, yo.
Jen.
We want you in all of our wedding photos.
We can make bullet lists when drunk.

C’mon, Derek. Clearly, you’re meant for us. You’re the only one that would make our social life complete. The fans have voted, and “Derek” is the most popular name for a new characters. Also, Brett likes to “swallow the cock.” And so do I! How great is that?

Hopefully you will request admittance to our social crcle in the morning.

Love,

Matty & Friends.

This is yuck.

Sat, 28 Jul 2012 02:35:49 -0400

Ok hi.

So todays alcohol included 4loko and that gets the dru k fast and the ick fast. I havejt fhrown up yet but it feels like I should especially with the 151 shots. But. Um. Korra marathoned tonight and also a cool thunderstorm and I’m tired by e

Set a puddle on fire, too.

Sun, 22 Jul 2012 14:07:12 -0400

Set a puddle on fire, too.

Flaming shot from last night

Sun, 22 Jul 2012 13:58:22 -0400

Flaming shot from last night

151 Night

Sun, 22 Jul 2012 03:38:00 -0400

ok so hi.

So tonight we did something different in that my friends and I pitched in to buy a singe bottle of Bacaradi 151 and drink exclusively that (except for me and my friend, who had a drink I poured last night that I never finished, and she finished her Margarita, which was frozen.) So tonight was 151 night and I’m pretty fucking drunk, even though I’m still lingering for what I’m calling “inactive party effect.” That doesn’t necessarily mean boring, like last weekend, but we sat at a table and talked while drunk. We had good moments, but it wasn’t wild like previous weekends. A lot of our friends have been out of town during the weekends, so we haven’t really been able to have big crowds.

So tonight I was thinking about doing a vlog instead of just a normal blog, but I didn’t think it was going to be interesting enough and then I got immediately camera shy.

Does this blog seem abnormally comprehensive to you guys? I feel like this blog is making more sense than usual. Shit, is it getting easier to type when drunk? That’s bad business.

um, we lit shit on fire! I’ll post pictures and videos of that when I sober edit this in the morning! Because that was really cool. But.

Damn, in retrospect, tonight wasn’t really blog worthy. I’m just going to kill it here. Since i want to go to sleep anyway.

Hopefully soon I’ll have another shit show.

Love,
Drunk Matty

P.S. I am really drunk though, I swear. I’ve been staggering and twirling and I just feel like a hot mess. I need water. Good night.

Also, weird: I’ve been really obsessed with Gwen Stefani’s “Cool” lately. I just feel like it describes life right now for me. Talk about throwback, though. I KNOW WE’RE COOL. Bye.

P.S.S: It smells like a fart in my room. I don’t know why. My room is relatively clean and I haven’t farted all day. MYSTERIES OF THE UNEXPLORED.

And we're back!

Sat, 21 Jul 2012 02:50:00 -0400

Dear Sober,

City drinking is so much better than country drinking when you have friends that don’t want to constantly talk about guns. Because guns kill people. No matter what Jean LaJoi says. or whatever his name is.

So tonight was more of a precursor to what tomorrow night should be. We worked on draining the rest of our leftover alcohol from previous weeks, and I believe tomorrow night we’re going to get Bacardi 151 and get super extra crazy drunk. There’s a refridgerator by the dumpster out back. I hope that’s involved some how.

Ok so we just went to the fridge and stole from glass and the vegetable drawer because we nee done of those. But it probably doesn’t fit. I don’t know. I don’t really care.

But like, what was really exciting about tonight is that we deep fried stuff! Not as much as we originally imaginied because I think we’re all pretty full. But we deep fried onion rings, and then cookies, and we even deep fried alcohol! Yeah, that was weird. It was strangely good. We used vanilla vodka in some batter, and cooked it for a few seconds, so it was like a flash fry. Like deep fried ice cream.

Now we just heckled a bunch of kids because they humped a light post. That was funny. But we’re ass holes. I would have fought them, though. I’m usually in a fighting mood when I’m drunk. I’m that drunk, I’ll admit.

I don’t know what else to say. I’ll edit this if more drunk happens. But remember. Humping poles makes you look like a dumb ass.

There was also this awful rum. My friend said he would finish off the bottle if we all took shots with him (which he would then finish.) We all did the shots, except me. I pretended. I poured the shot in my drink. I’m surprised I got away with it.

Love,
Drunk Matty,.

Boring country post

Sun, 15 Jul 2012 16:14:32 -0400

So I’m posting this blog late. That will happen. I’m writing n the word doc app on my phone and I’m surprised that I havent fuckd up yet. Hopefully I can save it right.

Ok. Dear sober matt,
Hi. Youre in the woods with a giant fire behind you. Youte not in a city. Youre in the woods and your hs friends are there! Thats different! Thats new. Ashley is readng over your shoulder. Remember her from last week? She still walks on her toes! Yaaaaay.

So my friend Joe keeps talking about hookman who will kill us all. So I’ll keep you ppsted if ge klls us .

I pretended to be hookman and now Joe and Ashley hate me for ten minutes. The screamed so it was funny.

We’re playing drunk card games now and holding cute dogs in a basement.

Ok so update. We played taxi and I gpt sleepy drunk. So did everyone else. Our friends boyfriends are rednecky and boring other than the fire. That was cool. But whatever. Thats what the other friends are for

So good might sober matt. You’re quiet tonight. But good. Next time the alcohol!

Love,
Drunk matt

Hello. Yes, this is drunk.

Tue, 10 Jul 2012 00:23:00 -0400

Dear Sober Matt,

IT’S MONDAY! DRINKIN’ ERRY DAY.

~~You’re an alcoholic.~~ No you’re not. You’re awesome. You said so on twitter. Before anything, this needs to be said: Sometimes people on grindr message you and you want to be all “Y U MESSAGE ME. YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE A THUMB.” but don’t do it! That’s just bad Karma! Just ignore them or tell them you’re not interested.

Also why do you still have grind you have never really used it ever. It’s really just amusing to see guys be horny on it. Its like “haha, you’re desperate.”

there’s probably hypocracy there but we’ll deal with that in the sober morning.

meanwhile, you learned how to be a bar tender with the help of online blogs! This Blackberry Gin Fizz is yummy. You are a special man. It takes a special man to be able to cook, bake, and concoct cocktails at will. It also takes a rich man. You should probably stop spending money.

so what else is happening in your life that’s fun to talk about. um. no, don’t talk about that. ummmmmm. uhh.

homes. lets talk about going home this weekend. everything. Everything is beautiful about that. Except one thing but we said we’re not talking about that. Let’s talk about things we will talk about! Josh! We get to see Josh! Who is Josh, tumblr universe? My bffwiwfifhwgbwtt. That’s a long acronym. I think it changes everytime we use it and it rarely means anything. but it can be summarized to bff. I haven’t seen him in a long time because he was in france and that makes me sad. >: And we’re going to go to my good friend shawn’s birthday party. I love Shawn! She’s so adorable and nice, and sometimes snarky but it’s awesome when she does it. It makes me like her more. Also, there will be more drinking there! Drinking with different characters in this crazy show that is your life, but equally, if sometimes not more awesome! Because one of those characters is Ashley! I miss Ashley, I wish I got to see her more, even if she is a moo loser who walks on her toes and goes “STOP MAKING FUN OF ME GUYS.”

well, I guess she doesn’t do those much anymore, but she’s still great! probably one of my favorite friends.

also my sister will be there! I miss her too! She’s really sweet and cool and you should follow her rp blog if you don’t already. http://ask-oldnyoung-toph.tumblr.com/

ugh, I really want this to be a long post. so here’s what’s going to happen. We’re going to stop writing right now. for a little bit. Then we’re going to play runescape which is shiity for a couple minutes, and then drunk talk about that. how does that sound? ok, brb. sort of.

ok, so we’re in a cow field right now. I think we’re doing the birthday cake quest, but I have no clue how to get back to the castle. YES. I FIGURED IT OUT. I… NAVIAGETES. SHIT. WHAT’S THE WORD I’M LOOKING FOR. It’s not quite realigned but like… when you get your barings on the world. whatever. BACK TO THE CASTLE.

Ok so we’re running, we’re running. This is why runescape was awful. A lot of running, unneccisary clicking, and… shit. The combat system is awful. The skills are sort of fun, and they’ve improved on that by showing experience better and making it easier to level a little bit. And the quests were always cool if you were a member.

but the running. fuck energy. fuck realism. just let me slap on the running shoes and run all the fucking time!

wait, what. I need TOP QUALITY MILK? Fuck your shit. I’m not running back to the milk field. I was just there! This is some ass balls shit. fine. I will do your fuck quest. I better get a blow job out of this or something.

this would also be better if you could see what I was doing. so I’m just going to stop reporting what is happening. tl;dr: runescape is stupid and I am in MMO withdrawl until mists of panderia comes out because I’m excited to see how the new stories unravel. I am a nerd, and I suck. Or rule. Whatever. I’m signing out for now. To play more runescape maybe. I dunno. Probably drink more.

LOVE MATT.

I LOVE YOU. <333

P.S. Edit: You completed the quest! Good for you! Now do the one where you collect the anal beads of every imp ever.

This drink is yummy shit. Even when in an instagram filter....

Mon, 09 Jul 2012 23:56:59 -0400

This drink is yummy shit. Even when in an instagram filter. It’s very easy to make. Wait, no, that’s a lie. It was complicated. But delicious.

It was:

-2 parts Blackberry Infused Simple Syrup
-1 part lime juice
-1 part gin
-top with club soda.

the Simple Syrup was made with 1 cup water, 1 cup sugar, and 3/4 cup blackberries. Boil the sugar and water, then add the black berries and smash them in the mixture to release the juices and I let them simmer for 10 minutes. I added some basil for flavor, too. That optional, though.

Fourth of July

Thu, 05 Jul 2012 00:49:13 -0400

Happy Independence Day, sober matty.

Tonight is a special time, because you can get drunk and play with fire, and its totally acceptable more than usual. And we did that. We got some motherfucking sparklers and we lit some of them, but for the most part, we soaked the boxes in lighter fluid and set them on fire. Dangerous? Maybe. Fun? Definitely.

Until we ran out of fire fluid at least.

Fire is hot. Today was hot. I forgot my fan downstairs. Shit. I’m not wearing much clothes and people are still downstairs. But. The fan is soooo important. How will I get it?

Worry about that later.

I feel like tonight was actually pretty dull. We set things on fire which was cool, and other than that, we watched fireworks on our roof and. OH. We filled a supersoaker with vodka. That was pretty dumb/awesome of us. That may need to happen again.

I’ll try to have more fun next week. I think my bestfriend is sort of miffed at me, so it was sort of hard to be totally focused on fun. But at least you made cookies. That was cool. And delicious. annnnnnd america.

also I’m still prettyu sure your liver s recoverng from that fifth. that might have also made it hard to drink. do that more, get more tolerant of it. drunk is fun.

GOOD NIGHT. I’M TIRED. BYE.

Love drunk,

GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS

Sun, 01 Jul 2012 13:42:21 -0400

DRUNK LETTTRT BLOGGGGGG.

HI SONTR MSYYY

YOU VZNSY GINF LRYYRTD. IYC BVXGK, XC BIUU CK

OK LETTERD. YOU CAN FIND THEM MATTY. OK. GO

So., You drank a whole bottle of vodka. that’s ok. that’s cool. thats a thing. it was pineapple flavored.

ok you were sick but YOU;RE OVER THAT LIKE A BOSS. LETS FINISH THIS POST.

Ok, so bitches wanna fuck me. everywhere you go, fuck me. Thaat’s JZ though. Sort of only you. sex? Yes please.

Anyway. things that happend tonight. A ROOF! AAAAAANNNND. YOU Drank a whole bottle of vodka (thats why you laid down for 15 mins.). But you through bticks off that roof! itwas soo cool! like, you felt likre you ruled the city.

i MEAN, shit, its fucking hot. You took your shirt off. You hate doing that becAUSE you’re somewhat insecure but OH WELL. The straight guys are unamused, then amused. They can’t decide. But they keep pulling at your chest hair and grabbing your nipples and its sort of hot because you really like yours and other peoples chest hair. Body hair is

Tweets From Last Night.

Sun, 01 Jul 2012 12:54:36 -0400

Tweets From Last Night.

there are

Sun, 01 Jul 2012 12:50:45 -0400

lessthanmatt:

bunnies ouside. they are cute,

this too.

lessthanmatt: Centipede Dicks lololol in a new light. I guess...

Sun, 01 Jul 2012 12:50:21 -0400

lessthanmatt:

Centipede Dicks lololol in a new light.

I guess I posted this to the wrong tumblr last night.

hiiiiiiiiiiii imma guest

Sun, 01 Jul 2012 01:20:57 -0400

Hey. sp this os kimmy I’m matty’s friend. I gp to his school but libve in MD durng the ssummer and am visiting for a weerk. I get drunk WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY easier than my bro here, but I lurv him anywayzes. My friends are suuuuuuuuupeer cool. Desean is saying he’s gonna fix my bad drunk spelling. DON’T EFFING LET THE FUCKER. cause, you know, I’m awesome. poor drunk tyyping skillz and all.

So while I’m here: final fantasy. That needed to be said. Awesome effing series, some day I;’ll make a vlog summarizing each of the games while drunk. but for now, I’m just being guest lady. Also, star wars. Have you ever talked to preschoolers about starwars? they love that shit. They love me for telling them star wars. I love my campers, they are awesome. They are so sweet. But collede friends are better, Cause they can relate on adult lvls and also they drink w/me and I lovr them except desean who keeps wantering to correctofy my spelligizing. (because it’s wrong as shit. - DW)
LOL He kept typing DQ DeSean is the effing Dairy Queen. Queen is a good band. THE END