From Drunk with Love

BOOBS.

Hello tumblrverse.

I am. Drunk.

andddd on  FLOORRR. I dunno why caps happend but it did but I have a few things to talk bout tonight.

The first part is social justicey. Now, I’m not a big fan of a lot of social justice unless it concerns me because I’m human and humans are selfish, and frankly, I do think a lot of social justice involves reading into things to far. But some of it is cool because their is definitely not enough equality in the world and some people are ass holes ( I’m an ass hole too but that’s another level of assholery EVERYTHING IS FLUID)

Ok so this is queer social justice and it’s pretty white bread basic. Like, fuck you. I don’t care how often some gay guy hits on you, it’s NOT ok to call him a “fag.” And frankly, I use the word a lot. I know I shouldn’t. It’s not even “taking it back” when I use it. But when you try to justify that there is a difference between a “gay” and a “fag,” you’re a douchebag. Look, I get it. Sometimes people are REALLY flamboyant, and that CAN be a little obnoxious, but that’s just who they are! Shut the fuck up and let them be. And really, I get that you may have tried to explain to them that you’re “straight” and “arent interested,” but its not helping you’re case when you’re socially inept enough to not understand when people want you to stop talking. Also ripping your shirt off in front of them probably isn’t helping. (I’m only assuming you do this because you say this is a frequent occurance in your drinking.)

Also, stop it. Just because a guy is flamboyant doesn’t make him less of a man.  It just makes him a different kind of man. Get your dick out of your hand, and l2 gender spectrum, asshole.

Social Justice is a very weird topic for me. There are definitely points that I can get behind. Like today, when I witnessed 2 cops pull over this tiny old black woman, I was like “You don’t need 2 cops for this. She was barely speeding. This seems racist.” or when assholes mentioned above start making really tactless really ass-holey rape jokes. But then sometimes it seems like it goes too far and goes against itself, when it starts talking about white men. I get that so many white men are douchebags (example: dan cathy). But it makes me sad when people think all white people are like that. But I do get that we sometimes make offensive comments without realizing it because it’s what the media has ingrained us to think was true, and that should be fixed! But it’s really stupid when I see things that are like “Oh hay, white people aren’t allowed to have dreadlocks! They don’t get it and that’s for black people only!” or “Black women shouldn’t straighten their hair that’s whitewashing!” Why aren’t we allowed to blend cultures? Wouldn’t that be a good thing? I mean, we should totally remember where things originated and why, but I think we should definitely share. It’s sort of discriminatory/supremist to say that someone can’t wear their hair in a certain way.

I do know that “can’t we all just get along and make one big happy super-culture where everyone loves each other?” is a huge white ideal, probably because everything would turn out “white” as people view it. But would it be ok if we could find a balance between the two? And I only use “two” because it seems EVERYONE forgets about the Asian counties. Though, granted, a lot of Japanese/Chinese culture shows up in America, I feel. Or maybe that’s just my friends.

I digress, though. I would like us all to get along. I don’t like it when people are screaming at each other (read as: me for being white (cue: oh boo hoo you’re white so sorry for yelling)). I just really don’t think it’s a good way to help the cause. I’m really a fan of “Oh, hey, that’s offensive. I’m not going to get mad at you, but please, let me inform you on why that was offensive and don’t do it again.”

But, I guess I know what I say doesn’t matter, because I’m a white male and I have white and male privileged that I need to check if my opinions don’t match yours. #maybealittlebitter

I do keep my social justice blogs around, to keep me educated and maybe someday I’ll get it. It’s just not clicking yet. But I guess I’m somewhat more informed that cissexual white males? (I know terminology! That’s good, right?)

But other than that one blurb where I yelled at people for being homophobic, tonight has been sort of fun. My roommate has a hot new boyfriend and I’m jealous of her because he’s pretty fucking fine. But he’s straight, oh well. I do sort of have my own guy going on in my life, and that’s nice. I haven’t met him yet, I met him on OKCupid. But he goes to a school right down the road, so I should meet him soon when he gets back. <: I’m excited, he’s nice, and cute.

There’s a girl I’m supposed to keep awake on my bed. -oh, wait, she’s had to throw up. I took her to the bathroom. It feels nice to take care of people, like you’re doing something good. But I’m going to close this up for now because of that.

Love,
Drunk Matty 

And we’re back!

Dear Sober,

City drinking is so much better than country drinking when you have friends that don’t want to constantly talk about guns. Because guns kill people. No matter what Jean LaJoi says. or whatever his name is.

So tonight was more of a precursor to what tomorrow night should be. We worked on draining the rest of our leftover alcohol from previous weeks, and I believe tomorrow night we’re going to get Bacardi 151 and get super extra crazy drunk. There’s a refridgerator by the dumpster out back. I hope that’s involved some how.

Ok so we just went to the fridge and stole from glass and the vegetable drawer because we nee done of those. But it probably doesn’t fit. I don’t know. I don’t really care.

But like, what was really exciting about tonight is that we deep fried stuff! Not as much as we originally imaginied because I think we’re all pretty full. But we deep fried onion rings, and then cookies, and we even deep fried alcohol! Yeah, that was weird. It was strangely good. We used vanilla vodka in some batter, and cooked it for a few seconds, so it was like a flash fry. Like deep fried ice cream.

Now we just heckled a bunch of kids because they humped a light post. That was funny. But we’re ass holes. I would have fought them, though. I’m usually in a fighting mood when I’m drunk. I’m that drunk, I’ll admit.

I don’t know what else to say. I’ll edit this if more drunk happens. But remember. Humping poles makes you look like a dumb ass.

There was also this awful rum. My friend said he would finish off the bottle if we all took shots with him (which he would then finish.) We all did the shots, except me. I pretended. I poured the shot in my drink. I’m surprised I got away with it.

Love,
Drunk Matty,. 

Hello. Yes, this is drunk.

Dear Sober Matt,

IT’S MONDAY! DRINKIN’ ERRY DAY.

You’re an alcoholic. No you’re not. You’re awesome. You said so on twitter. Before anything, this needs to be said: Sometimes people on grindr message you and you want to be all “Y U MESSAGE ME. YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE A THUMB.” but don’t do it! That’s just bad Karma! Just ignore them or tell them you’re not interested.

Also why do you still have grind you have never really used it ever. It’s really just amusing to see guys be horny on it. Its like “haha, you’re desperate.” 

there’s probably hypocracy there but we’ll deal with that in the sober morning.

meanwhile, you learned how to be a bar tender with the help of online blogs! This Blackberry Gin Fizz is yummy. You are a special man. It takes a special man to be able to cook, bake, and concoct cocktails at will. It also takes a rich man. You should probably stop spending money.

so what else is happening in your life that’s fun to talk about. um. no, don’t talk about that. ummmmmm. uhh.

homes. lets talk about going home this weekend. everything. Everything is beautiful about that. Except one thing but we said we’re not talking about that. Let’s talk about things we will talk about! Josh! We get to see Josh! Who is Josh, tumblr universe? My bffwiwfifhwgbwtt. That’s a long acronym. I think it changes everytime we use it and it rarely means anything. but it can be summarized to bff. I haven’t seen him in a long time because he was in france and that makes me sad. >: And we’re going to go to my good friend shawn’s birthday party. I love Shawn! She’s so adorable and nice, and sometimes snarky but it’s awesome when she does it. It makes me like her more. Also, there will be more drinking there! Drinking with different characters in this crazy show that is your life, but equally, if sometimes not more awesome! Because one of those characters is Ashley! I miss Ashley, I wish I got to see her more, even if she is a moo loser who walks on her toes and goes “STOP MAKING FUN OF ME GUYS.”

well, I guess she doesn’t do those much anymore, but she’s still great! probably one of my favorite friends.

also my sister will be there! I miss her too! She’s really sweet and cool and you should follow her rp blog if you don’t already.  http://ask-oldnyoung-toph.tumblr.com/ 

 ugh, I really want this to be a long post. so here’s what’s going to happen. We’re going to stop writing right now. for a little bit. Then we’re going to play runescape which is shiity for a couple minutes, and then drunk talk about that. how does that sound? ok, brb. sort of.

ok, so we’re in a cow field right now. I think we’re doing the birthday cake quest, but I have no clue how to get back to the castle. YES. I FIGURED IT OUT. I… NAVIAGETES. SHIT. WHAT’S THE WORD I’M LOOKING FOR. It’s not quite realigned but like… when you get your barings on the world. whatever. BACK TO THE CASTLE.

Ok so we’re running, we’re running. This is why runescape was awful. A lot of running, unneccisary clicking, and… shit. The combat system is awful. The skills are sort of fun, and they’ve improved on that by showing experience better and making it easier to level a little bit. And the quests were always cool if you were a member.

but the running. fuck energy. fuck realism. just let me slap on the running shoes and run all the fucking time!

wait, what. I need TOP QUALITY MILK? Fuck your shit. I’m not running back to the milk field. I was just there! This is some ass balls shit. fine. I will do your fuck quest. I better get a blow job out of this or something.

this would also be better if you could see what I was doing. so I’m just going to stop reporting what is happening. tl;dr: runescape is stupid and I am in MMO withdrawl until mists of panderia comes out because I’m excited to see how the new stories unravel. I am a nerd, and I suck.  Or rule. Whatever. I’m signing out for now. To play more runescape maybe. I dunno. Probably drink more.

LOVE MATT.

I LOVE YOU. <333 

P.S. Edit: You completed the quest! Good for you! Now do the one where you collect the anal beads of every imp ever. 

GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS

DRUNK LETTTRT BLOGGGGGG.

HI SONTR MSYYY

YOU VZNSY GINF LRYYRTD. IYC BVXGK, XC BIUU CK

OK LETTERD. YOU CAN FIND THEM MATTY. OK. GO

So., You drank a whole bottle of vodka. that’s ok. that’s cool. thats a thing. it was pineapple flavored.

ok you were sick but YOU;RE OVER THAT LIKE A BOSS. LETS FINISH THIS POST.

Ok, so bitches wanna fuck me. everywhere you go, fuck me. Thaat’s JZ though. Sort of only you. sex? Yes please.

Anyway. things that happend tonight. A ROOF! AAAAAANNNND. YOU Drank a whole bottle of vodka (thats why you laid down for 15 mins.). But you through bticks off that roof! itwas soo cool! like, you felt likre you ruled the city.

i MEAN, shit, its fucking hot. You took your shirt off. You hate doing that becAUSE you’re somewhat insecure but OH WELL. The straight guys are unamused, then amused. They can’t decide. But they keep pulling at your chest hair and grabbing your nipples and its sort of hot because you really like yours and other peoples chest hair. Body hair is

Drinks de la Nuit

The mixers tonight are pretty basic, so I think I may just list short recipes, editing as the night goes on. Nothing complicated, mix and go!

Drink #1:
-Pinnacle Vodka
-Hawaiian Punch
Drinkability: 10/10 shit’s dangerous, be careful. 

Drink #2: Asami’s Tits
Ingredients:
-Mixchiefs Unflavored Jello Mix
-1/2 cup water
-1/2 cup vanilla vodka
-1/4 cup grenadine
-3/4 dr. Pepper

These are jello shots. Follow the directions on the mixchief package and you’ll he good.

House Centipedes

Dear Sober Matty,

You almost mistaked yourself for drunk matty again. Don’t want that to happen.

So tonight WAS almost boring. You had like, four drinks and got really drunk while everyone else was sober. But you felt REALLY good, like, you were in SUCH a good mood. I mean… wait, you explained everything in that other recipe post. GOOD FOR YOU. THINKING AHEAD.

So you’re trying to go to sleep right now, but there was a fucking HOUSE CENTIPEDE. Normally, we’re ok with bugs. They’re all “sup brah I have six legs,” or there’s a spider, and they’re like “lol we have eight everything. we’re bad ass. is that a wasp? I’ll kill that for you because I’M NICE. NOT SCARY.” Hashtag preach. but this was a HOUSE CENTIPEDE. Motherfuckers are creepy as shit! They’re all, we have a bajillion legs WITH KNEES and run really fast and hide and will crawl on you in your sleep! They don’t even deserve quotations! Thats how awful they are. They bite like a mother fucker, but they’re timid so they usually hide. But occasionally I think they feel really trolly and run out just to spook you so you NEVER WANT TO SLEEP AGAIN. They’re all going to kill me tonight. I can feel it. :( please save me, sober matty and the rest of tumblr.

On the bright side, I’m glad that happened, or else this post might have been really boring. The only other thing I did tonight was sing Domino by Jessie J with my friends on our back porch and yell at some kids for parking poorly.

I think that’s it. It was a slow night. But you got drunk, and that’s all that matters.

Love,
Drunk Matty.

P.S. You have work in the morning. Teehee. 

P.S. EDIT!!!: I actually don’t blame the house centipede for being here. I mean, I hate he was here, because now the dark is scary. But it’s fucking hot outside. He probably just wanted some shade. Or she. Or maybe both? I don’t know how centipedes reproduce. Here is a wikipedia article about centipedes have fun with your night mares. I mean, if I have to suffer, you do too!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scutigera_coleoptrata  

This is another edit: haha, it’s also known as a ghetto bug. totes using that lolololl

TRIPLE EDIT OH FUCK: I hate it when entomologists (yeah that’s a word. study of bugs mother fucker. I have a cousin who majored in that) describe things as “harmless as a bee sting.” WHY IS THAT HARMLESS. BEE STINGS HURT LIKE A BITCH. I mean, I’m not going to die, but I don’t want to EXPERIENCE that pain again! Shits awful.

Edit #4: Another useful technique for eliminating house centipedes is your shoe. they die really fast that way. And yes, I am editing as I read that Wikipedia article. You might as well not read it. I’ve reported everything thats important in it by now. Except for how they reproduce which is why I started these edits I guess. THAT’S A MYSTERY FOR YOU TO SOLVE.

Centipede dicks lolololol. 

Dirty Lollipop

Tonight felt like a good night to drink. Not in any sort of depressive sort of things, quite the opposite. I got a good laugh out of people threatening to leave to Canada because of Obamacare, its Pride Day, and I feel this list needs a third thing. Everything is great in threes, so we’ll just say the third day was having a day off to enjoy the former two.

Anyway, my friends and I like to get… inventive, with our drinks. Sometimes a little too much. However, for every bad drink we may make, we have a great one, too. I figured, to add a little more interest to the blog, I’d start posting what I’ve been drinking, good or otherwise. I’ll give you a fair warning if it’s shit.

So lets get to our first drink. This one involved a little work, since we’re low on mixers. I made a brown sugar for some extra padding, which is really easy to make. We’ll start with that.

Ingredients:
-1 cup Brown Sugar
-3/4 cup water

Simply boil the water, and add in the sugar. Stir till completely dissolved, and remove from heat to thicken and cool.

You’ll probably have made more than enough for this drink, but its handy to have around if you like to get boozy.

The actual drink, which I GUESS I’ll give a name to, I’ll call a Dirty Lollipop. It tastes like a cherry lollipop, for srs. Or, it would, if I didn’t add an extra shot of Vodka. But thats optional!

Ingredients:
-1 part vodka
-1 part Brown Sugar Syrup
-1/2 part Grenadine

Combine the ingredients into a highball glass (or mason jar, hurr). Add water to fill. So complicated.

To my glass I added three shots of vodka, to two shots of syrup, and a shot of grenadine. I like my drinks a bit strong. Its really sweet and sugary on top of that, so… that explains why I’m beginning to feel it now.

I’ll be back when I’m wasted, or when there’s another recipie.

Sunday, June 24th: Fucking Chill

Haaaaaayyy guys, and sober Matty. Last night I accidentally called you “drunk Matty,” but you aren’t. YOu’re sober.

Apparently I’m extra gay tonight. Deal with it, fuckers. (I love you!)

Tonight, Sober Matty, you’ve been very enlightened. You’ve learned a lot! At first, you were very bored, because everyone was talking about football. And you like football! Football is fun, I mean, people violently attack each other. YOu just don’t know like, player specifics. But I’m sure you knew that.

But then Politics happened, and, well, that was also a loss. They weren’t talking about gay politics, so  you were only sort of lost. You knew France had a president that was their leader, but you also learned they had a Prime Minister, that basicially does shit, and is only there to be like, “Hey Europe, we’re cool too! We have a PM too! (but he’s a fuck.)” Poor France, they get so under cut. They’re basically just there for tourism. I mean, and I’m talking from a gay perspective, but Parisians are so unattractive usually. YOu need to go to south france to find hot guys. Dat mediterannian. J’adore les hommes de Providence. Trop attrative. 

Maintineant, ce blog est dans francais. Ou, a moins, ce paragraph. Non, I give up on that. In Politics, we also discussed how so many states are useless, like Utah and West Virginia. What that fuck is their existance for? Some confederate bull shit. Apparently WV was a Union state? Because I’m pretty sure they’re so awful they should STILL be a confederate state. Maybe I’m just statist.

But you had a nice talk with Franklin about music! You got to show him that Panic! At the Disco became SO MUCH BETTER when they stopped having people who weren’t Brandon Urie and their drummer. Brandon Urie is so hot. I want to watch a porno of him making out with Darren Criss. Yeah, definitely wouldn’t need anything else after that.

Shit, my booze is all the way over on the table that you’re not at. reeaacchhhhh. You got it! YAY YOU! You’re special, don’t let anyone take that from you. Not even Amon.

OH GOD LEGEND OF KORRA HAPPENED TODAY LETS TALK ABOUT THAT.

AMON. AMON. HE WAS HOT. HE WAS REALLY FUCKING HOT. PUT YOUR DICK IN THAT CARTOON. Wait that may be weird. He was the villain. But they made him SYMPATHETIC at the last second. So… I dunno.

Korra, Korra is very cool. I dunno what to make of her. I mean, I understand that her revival of her bending was *sort of* cop outish, but at the same time, I understand. It was supposed to be a mini-series, so there is that. But at the same time, she’s so much more experienced in Aang in terms of her bending technique  when Korra started. It SHOULD be easier to enter Avatar State for her, especially after unlocking Airbending. Also Aang! Aang has been the only avatar to understand energybending. Why SHOULDN’T he start passing that down? I mean, I would. Its a pretty important skill.

I’m pretty sure anyone mad about the series finale is just mad because they don’t get there’s another season. They stupid hoes.

Anyway, I think that’s good for tonight. Maybe I’ll upload photos or some shit. Until next Friday! Have fun drinking or some other stupid sign off. Lololol.

Love,

Drunk Matty

There is no P.S. this time. Go away. Fuck you. (I love you!)